OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks 
to
                                      80MB, and then slowly expands back to
                                      200MB.
      AT&T VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Every three minutes it tells you what 
great
                                      service you are getting.
      MCI VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Every three minutes it reminds you 
that you're
                                      paying too much for the AT&T virus.
      PAUL REVERE VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      This revolutionary virus does not 
horse around.
                                      It warns you of impending hard disk 
attack
                                      once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.
      POLITICALLY CORRECT
      VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Never calls itself a "virus", but 
instead refers to
                                      itself as an "electronic 
microorganism."
      RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Won't allow you to delete a file, 
regardless of
                                      how old it is. If you attempt to erase 
a file, it
                                      requires you to first see a counselor 
about
                                      possible alternatives.
      ROSS PEROT VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Activates every component in your 
system, just
                                      before the whole damn thing quits.
      MARIO CUOMO VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      It would be a great virus, but it 
refuses to run.
      TED TURNER VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
      ARNOLD
      SCHWARZENEGGER
      VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Terminates and stays resident. It'll 
be back.
      DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Prevents your system from spawning any 
child
                                      process without joining into a binary 
network.
      DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2:
                                  -
                                      Their is sumthing rong wit your 
komputer. ewe
                                      jsut cant figyour out watt!
      GOVERNMENT
      ECONOMIST VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Nothing works, but all your diagnostic 
software
                                      says everything is fine.
      FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT
      VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Divides your hard disk into hundreds 
of little
                                      units, each of which does practically 
nothing,
                                      but all of which claim to be the most 
important
                                      part of your computer.
      GALLUP VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Sixty percent of the PCs infected will 
lose 38
                                      percent of their data 14 percent of 
the time.
                                      (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of 
error.)
      TEXAS VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Makes sure that it's bigger than any 
other file.
      ADAM AND EVE VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Takes a couple of bytes out of your 
Apple.
      CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      The computer locks up, screen splits 
eratically
                                      with a message appearing on each half 
blaming
                                      the other side for the problem.
      AIRLINE VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      You're in Dallas, but your data is in 
Singapore.
      PBS VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Your programs stop every few minutes 
to ask
                                      for money.
      ELVIS VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, 
then self
                                      destructs; only to resurface at 
shopping malls
                                      and service stations across rural 
America.
      OLLIE NORTH VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Causes your printer to become a paper
                                      shredder.
      SEARS VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Your data won't appear unless you buy 
new
                                      cables, power supply, and a set of 
shocks.
      JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Your programs can never be found 
again.
      CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS
      #2:
                                  -
                                      Runs every program on the hard drive
                                      simultaneously, but doesn't allow the 
user to
                                      accomplish anything.
      KEVORKIAN VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Helps your computer shut down as an 
act of
                                      mercy.
      IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Sings you a song (slightly off key) on 
boot up,
                                      then subtracts money from your Quicken
                                      account and spends it all on expensive 
shoes it
                                      purchases through Prodigy.
      STAR TREK VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Invades your system in places where no 
virus
                                      has gone before.
      HEALTH CARE VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Tests your system for a day, finds 
nothing
                                      wrong, and sends you a bill for 
$4,500.
      GEORGE BUSH VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      It starts by boldly stating. "Read my 
docs....
                                      No new files!" on the screen. It 
proceeds to fill
                                      up all the free space on your hard 
drive with
                                      new files, then blames it on the 
Congressional
                                      virus.
      CLEVELAND INDIANS
      VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Makes your 486/50 machine perform like 
a
                                      286/AT.
      LAPD VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      It claims it feels threatened by the 
other files on
                                      your PC and erases them in "self 
defense".
      CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Your PC makes frequent mistakes and 
comes
                                      in last in the reviews, but you still 
love it.
      ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS:
                                  -
                                      Claims that if you don't send it a 
million dollars
                                      it's programmer will take it back.


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