Subject: TOP TEN LIST - Wed 8/30/95

From: Sue Trowbridge <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 31 Aug 1995 00:19:22 -0400

[Due to problems with the listserv, last night's list was not received
by our subscribers.  It is appended to the bottom of tonight's lists.]
 
> From New York: Tonight's winning numbers are 17, 11, 22 and 6 ...
  it's THE TOP TEN LIST for Wednesday, August 30, 1995.  And now,
  a man who is exhausted from all the hammering... David Letterman!
 
> From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa ...
 
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR NEW JOB ISN'T WORKING OUT
 
[Originally broadcast 9/1/93]
 
10. You have a desk, but no chair
 
 9. Co-workers always punching you in the stomach
 
 8. You see CBS Chairman Larry Tisch having dinner with Conan O'Brien
 
 7. You get stung by a bee (not really a sign your new job isn't
    working out, but just as upsetting)
 
 6. You work for NASA and your title is "Executive in Charge of Space
    Probe Quality Control"
 
 5. After work, you go nuts and throw firecrackers into a crowd of
    people
 
 4. Your company physical is scheduled with Dr. Kevorkian
 
 3. People start saying maybe they should have elected your wife
    Hillary president
 
 2. In your one-page performance report, the word "sucks" appears
    twelve times
 
 1. Your office nickname: "Deadwood"

BONUS LIST: TOP TEN NAMES FOR DEMI'S NEW BABY
 
10. Beavis
 
 9. Forklift
 
 8. Kemo Sabe
 
 7. Ibuprofen
 
 6. Siskel
 
 5. Dr. Pepper
 
 4. Marmaduke
 
 3. Manute
 
 2. Retsyn
 
 1. Buttafuoco

> From New York: Be part of an angry mob every day ... it's THE
  TOP TEN LIST for Tuesday, August 29, 1995.  And now, a man who
  still calls his CD player "the hi-fi" ... David Letterman!
 
> From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa ...
 
TOP TEN THINGS WE LIKE ABOUT CBS
 
[Originally broadcast 8/31/93]
 
10. You got a problem?  The CBS "family" takes care of it.
 
 9. The strong, understanding hands of Mr. Charles Kuralt
 
 8. Doesn't have foul-smelling disease-carrying bird mascot
 
 7. When Angela Lansbury fixes your outboard motor, it stays fixed
 
 6. Chance to see Harry Smith naked in CBS sauna
 
 5. Have Canadian music director that looks just like our old one
 
 4. Candice Bergen curses like a sailor at company retreat
 
 3. Three out of every five male employees named "Morley"
 
 2. Whole nation touched by the heartfelt attempt of Dan Rather &
    Connie Chung to have a baby
 
 1. Executives are much more advanced form of weasel
 
          [Music: "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor]

Compiled by Sue Trowbridge
 
          ----------------------------------------
               LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN
               11:35 p.m. ET/PT (10:35 CT/MT)
               on the CBS Television Network
          ----------------------------------------
 
             On Thursday's show, Dave welcomes
 
             ...actor MARTIN SHORT
             ...singer CYNDI LAUPER
 
             [Originally broadcast 9/2/93]
 
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