Subject: TOP TEN LIST - Mon 7/31/95

From: Richard Handal <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 1 Aug 1995 03:20:56 -0400

> From New York: Humidity at wholesale prices ... it's THE TOP TEN
  LIST for Monday, July 31, 1995.  And now, a man who thinks
  there's no such thing as too much sauce ... David Letterman!
 
> From the home office in Grand Rapids, Michigan ...
 
TOP TEN CHILI DAVIS' COMPLAINTS ABOUT FANS
 
10. When your hand is too tired from signing autographs to make a
    fist
 
 9. They get all huffy when you crack their skull with a Louisville
    Slugger
 
 8. Don't understand the pressure of making $18,000 per at bat
 
 7. When they give me their liver -- and I don't need a new liver!
 
 6. When fans try to adjust your cup
 
 5. After you finish bloodying their nose, they almost never share
    their nachos with you
 
 4. They keep confusing him with Pittburgh Pirates' "Hungarian
    Goulash Davis"
 
 3. Don't understand that it's hard to keep your temper under control
    when you're full of steroids
 
 2. Think only New York players can act like jerks
 
 1. Can't take a punch

Compiled for the vacationing Sue Trowbridge by Richard Handal
 
          ----------------------------------------
               LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN
               11:35 p.m. ET/PT (10:35 CT/MT)
               on the CBS Television Network
          ----------------------------------------
 
             On Tuesday's show, Dave welcomes
 
             ... comedian/actress ROSIE O'DONNELL
             ... musician JIMMIE BUFFET
             ... chef GEORGE PERRIER

** YOYODYNE IS HIRING. Can you help? **
Yoyodyne Entertainment is growing! We'll pay a $500 bounty
to anyone who refers someone to us who we eventually hire.
Send e-mail to [email-masked] for details.
 
The Top Ten List is Copyright (C) 1995 Worldwide Pants, Incorporated.
Used with permission.
 
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