Subject: TOP TEN LIST - Mon 9/4/95

From: Sue Trowbridge <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 5 Sep 1995 00:09:29 -0400

> From New York: Who the hell am I? ... it's THE TOP TEN LIST for
  Monday, September 4, 1995.  And now, God, don't let me screw
  this up ... Don LeHerman!
 
[Note: New announcer Alan Calder made his debut on tonight's show.]
 
> From the home office in Grand Rapids, Michigan ...
 
TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOUR PICNIC SUCKS
 
10. Whenever there's the slightest breeze, Peter McNeeley falls ass-
    first into potato salad
 
 9. The blanket you're sitting on is from Heidi Fleiss place
 
 8. The "caraway seeds" in the cole slaw look suspiciously like deer
    ticks
 
 7. Your picnic companion is inflatable
 
 6. That red dog from the beer commercials gets drunk and tries to mate
    with your roast chicken
 
 5. Your original campfire has now consumed 5,000 acres
 
 4. You have to spend all day consoling a weeping Larry Fortensky
 
 3. Instead of mayonnaise, elderly aunt has used Vicks Vap-O-Rub on
    sandwiches
 
 2. In mix-up, your picnic chest contains Larry Hagman's liver
 
 1. O.J. keeps "accidentally" hitting people with lawn darts
 
 [Music: "Stoned Soul Picnic" by the Fifth Dimension
  (written by Laura Nyro)]

Compiled by Sue Trowbridge
 
          ----------------------------------------
               LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN
               11:35 p.m. ET/PT (10:35 CT/MT)
               on the CBS Television Network
          ----------------------------------------
 
             On Tuesday's show, Dave welcomes
 
             ...talk show host TOM SNYDER
             ...actress JANEANE GAROFALO
             ...singer FAITH HILL

WIN A TRIP TO THE 1995 WORLD SERIES. Play Batter Up!
presented by Major League Baseball, sponsored by
internetMCI, and designed by Yoyodyne Entertainment. To
register, send an e-mail to [email-masked].
 
The Top Ten List is Copyright (C) 1995 Worldwide Pants, Incorporated.
Used with permission.
 
The latest Top Ten can be retrieved at any time by sending e-mail
to [email-masked]
 
To leave the list, mail [email-masked] with the message
  SIGNOFF TOPTEN
To join the list, mail same with the message SUBSCRIBE TOPTEN Your Name
To retrieve old Top Tens, mail same with the message GET TOPTEN ARCHIVE